|Teenage girls are notoriously ruthless when bullying.|
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The following behaviors fit under the "mobbing" category:
- ignoring someone, not talking with that person and shutting that person out of activities (psychological mobbing)
- calling someone names, making fun of or threatening someone (verbal mobbing)
- to hurt someone, i.e. hitting, tripping, pinching, pressing against the wall (physical mobbing)
- to hold someone against their will, i.e. to lock them up, to hold them underwater, etc.
- to dirty, damage or destroy someone's property
- to send harassing emails, text messages (SMS) or to bully someone on the internet (E-mobbing)
A few years ago, my daughter also suffered under the effects of "mobbing." She lacked friends. No one picked her to be in their group during gym class. The children pulled her hair, called her names, tripped her, threw her snack in the garbage, stomped on her jacket with dirty shoes, etc. She was bullied, because she was 'different'.
Being the only half-foreigner in a Swiss alpine school, she couldn't speak either German or Swiss German properly. Unlike the others in her class, she didn't have to muck out cow stalls each evening, nor was she required to babysit her toddler-age siblings. Furthermore, she could speak English; pursued after-school activities, such as karate, ballet, ski club, piano, and horseback riding; and she had already traveled by airplane, flying to the USA to visit family every summer.
Things were made worse when she showed symptoms of Attention Deficiency Disorder (ADD). As a result of the bullying, she would cramp up, unable to think or speak properly, and look out the window, shutting herself into a private world. The line between reality and fantasy no longer existed. Looking back, I too as a child had developed a similar defense mechanism. She became depressed, had sleep problems, had stress headaches and stomach aches, increased allergic reactions, and she didn't want to go to school.
After years of therapy, a short stint on Ritalin, and chats with other parents, I am happy to report that things have improved dramatically. Now, my daughter has friends and is better able to concentrate in school. She has not only learned German and Swiss German, she is better able to concentrate and live "in the present."
It was largely thanks to my communications with other parents and the involvement of older, courageous, and enlightened students that things improved. Her teacher wasn't much help. She only reacted when it looked as though my daughter might fail her grade. She pushed for Ritalin use. This teacher didn't believe in my daughter nor in her intelligence, an opinion which she expressed to me more than once. She also didn't want to see what was going on in her classroom. Some older students, who happen to be distant cousins, told me how they had witnessed the teacher simply ignore the bullying; they also said they believed the teacher's constant open criticism of my daughter contributed to the mobbing. Luckily, my daughter now has a new teacher who is supportive and positive, and who believes in her.
Two evenings ago, an expert gave a talk on supporting and strengthening children in our community. We were roughly 20 parents, and we concluded that mobbing does, in fact, exist in our little school. Many parents said they didn't think mobbing was a big problem. They said that mobbing had been around for ages, and that it was normal, creating a "pecking order" among students. They even said that victims were to blame for their treatment. These statements left me disappointed at the apparent intolerance and ignorance in our school.
Mobbing can go too far. Today, I learned that a 12-year-old boy, who has bullied my daughter on occasion, has also been the victim of mobbing at school. Recently, he threatened suicide telling his parents: "When I'm gone, you won't have to worry about me any more." When I first heard about his treatment, I had thoughts that were similar to those opinions expressed the other night. He deserves it after being so abusive to my child, I thought with a little Schadenfreude. That kid has brought it upon himself for by being so mean. My daughter was mobbed for being different, not for being mean. However, after a day of mulling over this problem, I think that mobbing shouldn't be tolerated for any reason.
Luckily, his parents are taking action and calling other parents, asking them to get their children to stop the bullying behavior. The other night, we learned that the only way to stop mobbing is to get large groups of children to mobilize against it.
Have you or your children experienced mobbing? And if so, where?