Daily meal preparation improved me

Women are primarily responsible for meal preparation in the Swiss alps, and lunch being the main meal of the day, this means one has to take time each morning to shop, prepare, and cook.

Children usually come home around 12:15 as well as husbands, if they are working nearby. At first, I complained at what I believed to be an incredibly sexist and inconvenient tradition. What? There was no school lunch program? 

Eventually, I had no choice but to accept it, and over the years and after trying out new recipes and cooking every single day, my skills improved. 

I arrived in the Swiss Alps a spoiled, academically-minded young mother who knew nothing about cooking (I could barely cook an egg), but I left a resourceful cook and mother who can now prepare healthy meals without too much of a struggle. My experience as a Swiss "Hausfrau" or housewife could have turned out differently. Instead, I could have fed my kids ready-made meals, filled with saturated fat, salt, and chemicals, and outsourced a valuable time of my day to strangers. I don't regret those "Hausfrau" days,

Did I suffer from sexism? Or did I choose to make my experience a positive one? I think I improved. 

Under every roof

One day about 15 years ago, an old lady in my neighborhood told me stories about my great-uncle, who had been a farmer, hunter, heavy drinker, and wife beater. Then, with a wise look in her eye she said: "Unter jedem Dach wohnt ein Ach." This is not easily translatable, but it means "Under every roof lives a tale of woe."

This phrase has stuck with me ever since.

No household is perfect.

Everyone struggles with something.

Ben Franklin might have been Swiss

The minimalist in me wants less: talk, stuff, weight, inflammation, pain, loneliness, judgement, criticism, negativity, fighting, extremes, noise.

The immoderate in me wants more: listening, empty space, fitness, calm, comfort, connection, acceptance, acknowledgment, optimism, peace, moderation, silence.

After discovering Benjamin Franklin's list of 13 virtues, I thingk he might have done well in Switzerland. My Swiss grandparents lived by many of these virtues.

13 Virtues

Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

Industry. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.

Tranquillity. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Self-responsibility increases freedom

The USA is known as the "land of the free," but I believe Switzerland wins here. Yes, it has its laws, and everyone is insured to the max. Yet despite this, the Swiss have a lot of personal freedom. They have the liberty to judge if what they are doing is safe and to do so at their own risk.

Much is left to their personal judgment and responsibility. I believe this is what makes Switzerland more fun--and less expensive--than the USA.

Regarding fun: for one, Switzerland still has diving boards. The powers-that-be at our beach club in Newport, Rhode Island, removed the diving board, a source of amusement during our childhood summers. Perhaps, they did so due to its proximity to the bar. Wait! We were children and certainly not allowed at the bar. Secondly, you can walk a dog off the leash as long as it's voice controlled. This would be unheard of in the USA, where dog owners are treated like second-class citizens. Thirdly, you can ski down a mountain at night after consuming kilos of melted cheese and liters of wine and schnapps. It's up to you to stay sufficiently sober to ski home; and if you get too drunk and break your leg, don't even think about suing the mountain restaurant. You won't get very far. Fourthly, mountaineers, including base jumpers, have fewer restrictions. The onus is on them to exercise judgment, unlike in the USA, where many parks are closed to such adventures.

Now for the cost factor. According to Paul Rubin in a New York Times op-ed: "[US citizens] spend about 2.2 percent of gross domestic product, roughly $310 billion a year, or about $1,000 for each person in the country on tort litigation, much higher than any other country."

“America is known as the land of the free, but it is also the land of unnecessary lawsuits,” said Lisa A. Rickard, president of the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform.  “As the U.S. experience has shown, excessive litigation creates enormous costs for businesses, workers, consumers, and the overall economy.”

Imagine the added cost of having to put warning stickers on lighters: "Danger: Extremely Flammable." No duh! Anyone dumb enough to not know that the contents of a lighter are flammable is too dumb to read the label.

Self-responsibility lowers the costs overall and contributes to Switzerland's attractiveness as a business location. And thanks to this, people tend to be more responsible and to have more fun.

Collecting tax the Swiss way

Last Saturday, the call came in from a cell phone. I didn't quite make out his name, as he said it so fast, but I managed to catch that he was calling from the "Gemeinde" or city government. It seemed like a hoax until he asked: "Do you still have your dog?"

Oops, I thought. "Yes, yes, yes," I said. "Yes, Bizzi is still with us. I am so sorry. I keep forgetting to come down to pay my dog tax."

"Are you at home tomorrow?" he asked.

"You, you... work on Sundays?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "The whole day."

"Well... let's see. Yes.. It's Sunday... we plan to go skiing at 9:30am. Can you come at 9am?

"In Ordnung," he said. "I will come at 9am. Have CHF 120 ready." He didn't mention that CHF 30 of the amount was a fine for failing to pay the tax before the August deadline. As we are in the USA in the summer, I don't see the small reminder notice in the legals. And that they don't send a bill, makes this tax easy to forget.

He showed up as planned and was friendly. I invited him in for a coffee but he declined. Except for his coming in a marked van, he didn't make me feel like a criminal. He could have admonished me for my lateness or reminded me of the fine, but he didn't. The slight embarrassment of having a police car in my driveway for a few minutes was worth not having to make a special trip to city hall.

Now, that's what I call service.

Shame, humility, confidence, arrogance

"Americans are arrogant," a Swiss friend told me one day.

"You mean confident," I said, feeling defensive and very American in that moment. "The Swiss are so ashamed, they get in their own way." (By the way, being both American and Swiss, I usually defend whichever country I am not in physically.)

Since that conversation, I began reading books on shame and self-esteem and discovered that shame is the basis of addiction and leads to unhealthy behaviors and relationships.

One such book, written by shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says: "Shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It’s the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. If left to its own devices, shame can destroy lives."

So if shame is bad, what is humility?

The Oxford American Dictionary defines humility as "the quality of having a modest or low view of one's importance." With humility, we see ourselves as equal to other human beings.

The teachings of the Shaolin monks say that humility makes us teachable, and as we are always learning, we should always keep our humility. I can't begin to tell you how many times my karate teachers have had to pull me down to earth whenever I have gotten too sure of myself, by pushing my limits and challenging me. And it was only then that my karate improved.

Swiss friends tell me they are surprised by the American ability to speak to total strangers in such an open and friendly way. I believe it has to do with American humility that is represented in the American Declaration of Independence and which says that "all men are created equal" and which I had to memorize in fifth grade.

In contrast, Europe still has that "class" mentality and titles, which create barriers between human beings.

Americans also have this "can do" attitude that makes dreams possible. The Swiss often put limits on their thinking. "But I don't have the certificate or education to do that," they say. You can say this represents realistic thinking, but it's also so limiting.

What causes this limiting thinking and inability to speak to strangers? I think it's shame, and I believe the culprit is an antiquated way of teaching in schools. It's punitive. It uses shaming techniques to motivate students.

My children experienced this type of punitive and shaming type of motivation in the mountain village schools, where they were told they were "dumb", "had no chances of succeeding in school," and were given meaningless sentences to copy hundreds of times as punishment, without being encouraged to address the organizational reasons why work wasn't getting done.

To my shock, I learned recently that this kind of teaching also exists in the Swiss cities. Three Swiss friends who have children in the Lausanne public schools told me that their children receive punishments and hate school and learning.

It's too bad that these schools cannot work on building children's self-esteem and instill a joy of learning. Perhaps, it would be too expensive and only private schools are able to offer this. No wonder so few Swiss public school students (30% nationally) go on to Gymnasium or to the Swiss equivalent of high school.

Unfortunately, the new American president-elect represents the arrogance that has given Americans such a bad reputation worldwide. Mr Trump would do well to copy the US Declaration of Independence a hundred times not as a punishment but as a learning tool.

Switzerland is dog friendly

It's dog heaven here. You can take your furry friend nearly everywhere: in most restaurants, trains, buses, some shops, etc... And if they don't allow your dog inside, most shops provide leash hooks outside, allowing you to shop while Rover waits. You can even take your dog to work if your employer has pooch-friendly company regulations like Nestlé.

The best part is that you can walk your dog off the leash, as long as you can "voice control" it. Warning: this is tricky. Your dog must be really good at this. One policewoman nearly ticketed me for having my dog off the leash, but when she saw that my dog came when I called, she complimented me.

Keeping dogs with their owners most of the day socializes them, making them less shy, bored and aggressive than those dogs that are locked up at home all day.

Where my mother lives in the USA, local ordinances require people to keep their dogs on leashes in parks and on beaches. These ordinances are created by people who are afraid of dogs, and who react to incidents involving pit bulls and to people not picking up poop.

Strike it up to the minority spoiling things for the rest of us.

Swiss laws are pretty specific but thanks to them, there seems to be more freedom here.

I found the following laws on the protection of animals, which I find pretty straight forward:

1. Dogs must have sufficient daily contact with human beings and, as far as possible, other dogs.

2. Those kept in closed premises must be able to take exercise, every day, according to their needs and must, as far as possible, be able to romp in the open air.

3. Those kept tied up must be able to move around in an area of at least 20 m2 (20 square meters), and must not be attached using a choke chain. (I don't like the idea of tying up a dog... makes them mean.)

4. Those kept in the open air must have a shelter and water available.

5. Anyone looking after a dog must take the measures necessary to prevent the dog endangering either human beings or animals.

6. Treating dogs with excessive harshness, firing shots to punish them, and using spike collars are prohibited. (Electrical shock collars are also not allowed here.)

The customer is always wrong

There are times when I miss the US. And one of those times is when I'm shopping.

Yesterday, my daughter and I went to a Swisscom shop in the French speaking part of Switzerland to pick up her repaired cell phone. When we entered the shop, we passed three sales people who failed to look at us or even say hello, despite the fact that they were not working with customers.

Finally, after spending twenty minutes in queue, we were told to sit down and wait for the repair girl. We waited and waited. Then, the repair girl told us that the phone remained broken and that the extra insurance I had purchased was no longer valid. I explained that when we had brought the phone in September, it had been 10 days before the coverage period had expired. The repair girl questioned my integrity when I told her that the broken phone had been with them for nearly two months.

"How do I know you're telling the truth," she said, crossing her arms across her chest. " I have no paperwork on this."

Her eyes glared at me through raccoon-like makeup.

"Well, I've been told that the guy who took our order has been let let go," I said, "Perhaps, he didn't do his job and failed to produce the proper paperwork when he gave us the loaner."

"I have nothing," she said, shaking her head in a manner that made me feel like a child who hadn't done her homework.

"I don't think it should be the customer's job to maintain your paperwork," I managed to squeak out.

She shook her head and got on the phone, while I made a few comments, (yes rather loudly) regarding the treatment of customers in this country. Finally, she returned. She seemed a changed person.

"Effectively, the phone records will show how long your daughter has been using the loaner, proving when you first came in," she said.

When we left the shop, the Swisscom salesgirls looked at us and said "au revoir, madame," as if they had finally woken up.

Then we went to Coop City where a salesgirl condescendingly said "Bonjour. Madame!" after I had asked her where the shampoo aisle was. I'll give it to her. I could have said hello first, but I had been in a rush and annoyed after the Swisscom fiasco and was it her job to train customers? The thing is, this is not the first time someone in Switzerland has told me off. There was the time when a salesgirl kicked me out of a store at 17h, on-the-dot, before I could actually purchase the shoes in my hand; or the time when an old lady yelled at me for tossing glass in the recycling bin on a Sunday; or the time a man yelled at me for failing to close a door properly in a restaurant.

I guess things are topsy-turvy here: The "customer is always wrong" and "guilty until proven innocent."

Gender issues in the Alps

Recent talk of gender issues reminds me of the time I told my Swiss grandfather I was applying to college and he asked: "Why the hell would you want to do that? What do you want to be... a professor? Better marry a man with 20 cows." He clearly did not see the value in a woman being educated.

Fifteen years later, after our move to the Swiss Alps in 2002, I noticed that nearly all our female neighbors stayed home and did not have jobs. Then one day, I overheard a female neighbor criticize another who had just gotten a part-time job.

"Who does she think she is? She thinks she's better than all of us," she said. "Her husband works hard and brings home a good wage, and this is how she thanks him! She doesn't even have time to cook a proper lunch for her family. She's just greedy."

Being a "Hausfrau" in the Alps, I learned, is definitely a job and a highly-regarded one at that. But when a friend from university once asked me: "what do you DO with your time?" I couldn't bring myself to say that I spent it grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and taking my kids to activities.

That gender issues have been filling up the airwaves prompted me to look into how this alpine country performs. Surprised, I learned that Switzerland scores well. The World Economic Forum Global Gender Gap Report 2015 puts it at 8th worldwide (compared to the US' 28th place) up from 40th place eight years ago, despite the fact that women's salaries are not yet on parr with men's.

The problem is that Switzerland is still ultra conservative in how its population views women and their role in society. According to World Culture Encyclopedia, "Switzerland has long been a patriarchal society where women submit to the authority of their fathers and then to that of their husbands. Equal rights for women and men are relatively recent: only in 1971 was women's right to vote at the federal level established." And women only got the vote in 1989 in Canton Appenzell!

Strange country, but still ranks higher than the USA on gender issues. Could this explain Trump's certain popularity within a certain milieu?

Peeing standing up, flushing and showering after 10PM

In Switzerland, more people live in apartments than houses. According to a Eurostat report, approximately 52% of people live in flats, 25% in detached and semi-detached houses and 2% in "other". I wonder that that other is... tree houses? tents? on the street? I wonder if that 2% has to be considerate of its neighbors.

So for fun, I looked up silly Swiss laws on line. I learned that the ban on flushing the toilet or peeing standing up after 10PM is an urban myth. I also learned that the restriction on bathing after 10PM has loosened and that no one can actually forbid you from taking a shower after that time, but it is recommended that bathing be kept to less than 20 minutes.

Apartments have gotten better insulated which explains the relaxation of this law. A friend, who lives in an old apartment in Lausanne, told me that he can hear his upstairs neighbor's every step. He has asked her to refrain from using her clogs or heels in the night but she refuses to do so.

So, if you can afford it, live in a detached house or on the top floor.

Is friendliness such a good thing?

The first thing my kids and I noticed being back in the USA for the summer vacation is that people here are so friendly. People on the street actually say hello and smile. They are courteous at four-way stop signs (something you would never see in Switzerland).

One day, while I was driving around a full parking lot, I was shocked when a woman going in the opposite direction pointed to her left and said: "There's a spot available over there."

And then, the checkout guy at Stop & Shop asked my Swiss friend and I what language we were speaking (German). "Cool! I've always wanted to go to Switzerland," he said. My Swiss friend looked at me with amazement.

I think there are advantages to friendliness. It makes people feel good. It creates a pleasant atmosphere. It affirms others. People are attracted to smiling and kind people.

There's a downside, however, and I am beginning to understand why the Swiss are considered to be so aloof and--hence--unfriendly.

I think it's because they want freedom. They want to be free of obligation, free to have their own perception of things, free to have their thoughts and actions be impartial. They want to be free to keep their focus, commitment, creativity and time. They want to be free of bad habits.

Let's face it. Switzerland is known for its high quality workforce. And the professionals I have come in contact with in Switzerland would definitely be considered aloof according to American standards.

Perhaps, these professionals need to be aloof in order to provide objective and quality service.

Perhaps, it is exactly this bit of Swiss wisdom, which makes them free of the burden of obligation and  less influenced by clients' opinions and feelings.

I guess my goal would be to be friendly and aloof at the same time... ;-)

Mailbox design alpine style

On a walk today, I noticed cute house letterboxes encased in wood and covered with shingle roofs.

Upon our arrival in Switzerland, I had wanted to cover up our mailbox with a little house, like the ones I had seen in Maine. But a local warned me that letterboxes in Switzerland needed to be visible and remain uncovered.

So after the walk, I googled letterbox rules in Switzerland and learned that it is the Federal Department of the Environment, Transport, Energy and Communications (DETEC) that imposes requirements regarding location, design and minimum dimensions of house letterboxes. Here is a the fact sheet by the Swiss Post office (for those who can read in German). SO it is possible to encase them! So much for believing everything I hear!

Disappearing trust

The Swiss are trusting. They use honor boxes to sell cheese; train passengers are expected to punch their own tickets before boarding; florists leave thousands of francs worth of flowers, plants and packaged soil outside shops over the weekends; car salesmen hand over keys before receiving the money; and businesses extend credit to customers by allowing them to purchase by invoice.

According to the Swiss Mail Order Association, 89% of Swiss online merchandise is purchased using invoices.

But times are changing. The use of credit checks, credit cards and Paypal is increasing. Insurance companies are starting to sell credit insurance.  Businesses are getting wiser. When I applied for a credit card a few years ago, the bank required me to deposit the equivalent of my maximum credit limit into a savings account.

Recently, an architect friend has run into problems with an American client, who is refusing to pay his and other contractors' bills using outrageous excuses and tactics. All the workers are stunned. They don't understand how people can behave this way. My friend said such clients are ruining the Swiss way of doing things.

What can I say? A sign of the times...

Swiss thrift goes a bit too far

Francesca*, an American expat, told me a story the other day that not only made me giggle, but that is an example of Swiss thrift going a bit too far.

You see, approximately 13 years ago, Francesca had just begun a relationship with a Swiss man who lived in the Alps. Upon moving in with him, she made a strange discovery in the bathroom: a section of dental floss draped on the mirror. When she asked him about her finding, he confessed his economizing habit of reusing dental floss at least two or three times.

She is no longer dating the man. Apparently, he was otherwise pretty normal.

*Name changed

Not paying church tax

When I moved to Switzerland in 2002, I filled out a form at the commune, declaring my residency. At the "Religion" line item, I wrote: "Protestant." My religious affiliation has always been complicated to explain. When I was one, I was baptized in the Swiss Reformed Church. Five years later, I was baptized again in the French Roman Catholic Church.

Returning to my Swiss roots, it now made sense to go back to my original religion. Plus "when in Rome, do as the Romans do." I was now living in a Protestant part of Switzerland. I remembered studying Henry IV of France, who was known for changing from Protestant to Roman Catholic in order to avoid further bloodshed and for saying: "Paris is well worth a Mass."

So for years, I paid taxes to the Swiss Reformed Church. Even after getting married, my residency card continued to list me as a Protestant, even though my then-husband, an atheist, was listed as "other." But upon my divorce and name change, I noticed on my newly-arrived residency card, that I had inherited my ex-husband's "other."

So, I am happy to report, I am no longer paying church tax.

Is academia the be-all and end-all?

Last week, my 14-year old daughter's friend Lea* came over. During lunch, I asked Lea which subject she was planning on studying after completing school. For those of you who may not know, the ninth grade marks the end of obligatory schooling in Switzerland.

"Florist," she answered with certainty.

"Wow, wonderful," I responded.

I haven't always sounded so positive about the Swiss educational system. Being a product of a "liberal arts" education, I have struggled to understand the benefits of  Switzerland's "dual system."

The Swiss "dual system" begins at the end of primary school, or the sixth grade. Kids with good grades are separated from those with less than good grades. Those children with good grades are put onto an academic track and enter "Sekundarschule;" at 16 they go on to "Gymnasium"which leads to the "matura," a requirement for entering university. Those who didn't get such good grades are put on a vocational track and enter "Realschule;" at 16 they begin an apprenticeship program, a combination of on-the-job training and class studies.

The vocational track with its structured apprenticeship program is highly respected in Switzerland.

I used to ask:  How can a 16-year old know for sure what he or she wants to be when he or she grows up? Then I thought about it further: I know plenty of 25-, 35-, and 45-year old people in the USA who have no clue what they want to do with their lives and continue to live off their parents.

Only 25% of teenagers in Switzerland enter Gymnasium, leaving the rest to purse a trade and an apprenticeship. And as soon as they do, they start earning somewhere around SFr 700 per month. By the time they are 20 years of age, and two to three years before a college student would get his or her BA, they are earning real salaries, and in Switzerland the average is nearly SFr 5,000 per month. 

The reality is that my daughter's friend will probably earn a starting salary of between SFr 3,700 and 4,000 per month upon completion of her 3-year education and practical training. This is more than what the average American college graduate could hope to earn upon graduation.

The average starting salary for class of 2013 new college graduates was SFr 3,350 per month, according to the National Association of Colleges and Employers.

In contrast to Lea, American college graduates will have spent more than SFr 100,000 getting that undergraduate degree. Many start their professional lives with ten years of debt. Lea's education will have been free.

Considering a 3.5% unemployment rate (versus 7.3% in the USA), skilled workforce and high standard of living, and 7% of its population living below the poverty line (15% in the USA), perhaps, Switzerland is on to something.

*Name changed

Finding Late Gothic art at the foot of the Alps

Coming down from the mountains to get some shopping done in Bern didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I ended up checking out a few churches and walking through the old town.

If you ever make it to Bern, go to the Münster. It's a large Gothic cathedral in the old town, dating back to 1421. (Interestingly, a small romanesque chapel existed there as early as 1191 during the founding of Bern.)

My legs were too sore from yesterday's training to go up the Münster's tower which is 100 meters tall. Apparently, it's the tallest cathedral in Switzerland. I did, however, enjoy looking at the Last Judgment sculpture above the main portal. As it turns out, it represents one of the most complete Late Gothic sculpture collections in Europe, and it is the only sculpture in Münster to survive the iconoclasm of the Protestant Reformation. I had never heard of him, but the artist was Erhard Küng from Wesphalia. It totally reminded me of Hieronymous Bosch's "Last Judgement."

At the grocery store today

While rushing to check out at our local Coop grocery store this morning, I found myself in line behind a woman arguing for a refund in broken French. I slowly emptied my cart of its contents--amazingly fresh organic vegetables and fruits--onto the conveyor belt and listened.

The woman explained in broken French that she had purchased six yogurts, and six yogurts only, and she felt she should be paid out SFr 80. The checkout girl, who was obviously Swiss German speaking,  nodded her head, filled out a yellow slip, and answered the woman in even worse French.

One thing was for sure. This discussion was not going to end soon, and as I glanced at my watch, I realized I would be late for my appointment. So, I placed my produce back into the cart and stomped over to the next lane, uttering complaints under my breath. When I spotted a neighbor in line, I said something about continuing to shop at competing grocery store Migros, which has a customer service desk. While unloading my cart yet again, I peered over to the next lane and felt smug. The two women were still talking.

It's true. Migros has a "Kundendienst" or a customer service desk that deals with complicated matters such as refunds. This avoids customers having to wait in line too long. These desks also sell taxed garbage bags, household appliances, printer cartridges and electronics. Coop also has a similar desk, but it is a high-volume sales kiosk, selling alcohol and cigarettes. I heard from a friend that Migros won't sell alcohol and cigarettes in its stores for ethical reasons.

Competing grocery stores Coop and Migros account for about 70 percent of the market share for food and drinks in Switzerland. A little online research showed that Migros had better customer service, but Coop had better produce, especially organic selections. So there we have it... exactly my experience today.